Hot Tub
by Destiny Skywalker
Summary: Jack's knees are bothering him again, so Dr. Frasier prescribes a hot tub. Hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Hot Tub  
Author: Destiny Skywalker  
Rating: T for alcohol consumption, immature pranks, and an inappropriate thought or two. ;)  
Genre: Humor  
Time Period: Doesn't really matter. Before "Heroes", obviously.

* * *

Chapter One

"God Doc, when I tell you it hurts, can't you just trust me?" Colonel Jack O'Neill screeched loud enough to be heard in the Gate Room.

Dr. Janet Frasier, Napoleonic Powermonger of the SGC Infirmary, was not one bit daunted by Jack O'Neill. "You're going to need a cortisone shot, Colonel," she replied calmly.

"Oh great, more needles," he muttered.

Even though she shouldn't, she squirted a bit of the clear liquid out of the syringe. She'd never admit it, but sometimes she liked sparring with Jack. To make up for it, she made sure she didn't make it scrape the bone when she stuck it right in the side of his knee.

"Gaaaaahhhh!" he yelled even louder than he had before. But soon enough, his knee was numb and the pain was almost gone, even if he didn't want to admit it.

"Sir, this is what happens when you don't do the physical therapy exercises I prescribe for you," Janet explained.

Jack scowled. "They make my knees _hurt_, Doc. That's why I don't do them."

Janet let out an exasperated breath. "That's the point, sir."

"AH HA!"

Janet just rolled her eyes when she turned her back to him. "Well how about something that won't hurt, sir?" she asked.

Jack eyed her suspiciously. "It's about time," he retorted.

"Sir, I think a hot tub might be a good idea."

He still looked suspicious. "What's the catch?" he asked.

Janet wished he would just trust her for once. "Sir, actually, a hot tub is good for people with trauma to joints and other injuries." She thought for a second. "Actually, at the onset of an injury you're supposed to alternate between heat and an ice bath…"

"No thanks."

"Well, sir, since you seem to have a bit more of a chronic problem with your knees, I think that heat would be sufficient." She continued, "As a matter of fact, with your age, the cold would probably bother you more then help."

"Watch it, Doc," Jack growled. He was a little sensitive to cracks about his age.

She responded by handing him a set of crutches. "Have a great day, sir," she replied cheerily. Service with a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Ok, Jack thought to himself, maybe the Doc does have a soft side.

Three weeks after the incident in the infirmary, Jack was sitting in his new hot tub on his back deck. It was late fall, so it was pretty cold out, but the hot tub was a steamy 100 degrees. He could get used to this.

Jack had picked up a six-seater hot tub, so there was plenty of room to stretch out. For now, he was lying comfortably in the lounger spot, completely stretched out and having the water jets tickle his toes and his lower back. His knee felt pretty good too.

He took another sip of his beer, only to realize he was out. _Now all I need is a supermodel to go fetch me another_. Hey, a guy could dream couldn't he? _Rebecca Romajin-Stamos… _He smiled contentedly.

"Jack?"

Jack kept himself from groaning. He recognized that voice anywhere. "Yes, Spacemonkey?" he asked as he opened his eyes.

Daniel Jackson stood at the edge of the tub, near his feet. "When'd you get this?"

Jack sat up a bit in the lounger. "Yesterday. Finally got it warm enough to hop in." He raised one eyebrow in a manner that would have made Teal'c proud. "What are you doing here?"

Daniel looked over the bridge of his glasses at Jack. "It's Team Night, Jack. I'm driving tonight, remember?"

Jack groaned and smacked his hand against his forehead. "D'oh!" He looked back at Daniel. "Is everyone waiting in the car?" He started getting up, collecting his beer bottle.

"Nope, I stopped to get you first. I'll go instead and call Sam while you get dressed." Daniel tossed the towel sitting on the patio chair at Jack and slipped inside the house.

Jack toweled off quickly, and walked in to hear Daniel on the phone. "Yeah, I found Jack in his new hot tub." Daniel glanced at Jack, hearing him come in. "We'll just need a few minutes."

"Shit, shower and shave, all in 15 minutes," Jack pronounced proudly.

Daniel groaned. He really did not need to hear that.

* * *

Major Samantha Carter eyed the target carefully. One mistake would end this mission prematurely. She knew her physics calculations were flawless, but it was her physical prowress that the shot was banking on.

"Hurry it up, Carter. I'm going to have to retire before my turn."

Sam's face changed from intense concentration to something of a predatory smile. Oh, she'd shut him up alright.

She shot, and the black eight ball plunked right into the corner pocket. She stood up straight to smile at her Commanding Officer and held out her hand. Jack glared at her, rummaging through his pockets and slapping a five dollar bill into her hand.

"Jack, you really gotta stop talking shit like that. I think it makes her play better," Daniel intoned before taking a pull of his beer.

"Thought you weren't drinking tonight, Spacemonkey," Jack pointed out, trying to forget that his 2IC had just beaten him _again_.

Daniel tried to look casual and shrugged. "T said he'd cover me."

"Only because I know that you are incapable of operating a motor vehicle after consuming one alcoholic beverage, DanielJackson," Teal'c stood in the corner, chalking his own pool cue.

Sam and Jack snickered loudly at Daniel's expense. It was true, after all. Daniel responded by glaring and taking another long pull at his beer.

"So, what are we doing next week, sir?" Sam asked. She had fun beating him, but she would make it up by buying him another beer with the money she had won off of him.

Jack shrugged. "Ready to go home already, Carter?" he asked.

"No, sir. Not while you still have money. Sir," she added with a big grin on her face. Jack grimaced as he realized he was almost out of money for the night.

"I believe that MajorCarter was pointing out that it is your turn to host next week, O'Neill," Teal'c said.

"Beer and movies?" Jack suggested with a shrug.

Daniel perked up. "How about we get to try out the hot tub, Jack?" he asked hopefully.

Jack looked at the beer that was held precariously in Daniel's hand. "I don't know if I can trust you to hang onto your drink in there," he pointed out. Daniel looked embarrassed and firmed up his grip on the bottleneck.

"We should really invite Cassie and Janet, sir," Sam pointed out.

"Hey, I don't know if I have that much room," Jack protested. He liked the Doc alright, but he liked to keep Team Night a team thing.

"Jack, the thing seats six," Daniel pointed out.

"And one Jaffa equals about two," Jack retorted, and then looked around quickly to make sure that no one had overheard them.

Daniel didn't back down. "If two people six in the lounger you can fit seven."

"Okay, fine!" Jack threw his hands up in the air, knowing he was stuck. "But you guys bring the beer," he grumbled.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

_Ring, ring._

Sam crossed the kitchen to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Sam! Can we go to the mall?" Cassie Frasier's excited voice answered.

Sam shook her head, glad Cassie couldn't see the exasperated smile on her face. "Didn't you just go last weekend?"

Cassie sighed loudly over the phone. "Yes, but now I need a new swimsuit. And you do too," she pointed out.

Sam's eyes narrowed. "For what?" she asked. She liked her swimsuit.

"Duh! For Jack's party tonight!" Sam could be really dumb sometimes. For an astrophysicist, that is.

It was Sam's turn to sigh. "Cassie, I like my swimsuit just fine," she answered. Nevermind that it was originally red and had faded to a dark pink.

"Sam, that thing is older than I am!"

Sam pulled away from the phone with a look of shock on her face. Goodness, it really was older than Cassie, wasn't it?

Sam sighed, knowing she had been beaten. "Fine, Cassie."

"Great!" Cassie shrieked. "I'll pick you up in twenty minutes!" She hung up before Sam could protest.

_Oh God_, she thought. _Cassie driving…_ This was going to be a very long day.

* * *

Cassie was not that bad of a driver. But that still did not prevent Sam from clutching the door handle tightly every time Cassie made a turn. Cassie just rolled her eyes and continued singing along with the radio.

Before Sam realized it, they were parked outside of Cheyenne Mountain. "Cassie, what are we doing here?"

Cassie shifted into park. "Picking up Teal'c."

"Cassie! I'm not swimsuit shopping with Teal'c!"

Cassie threw Sam a look. "He needs one too, you know."

Sam thought about that for a second. What did Jaffa usually wear when they went swimming? Upon further reflection, she realized that she did not want to know.

Teal'c opened the passenger side door, wearing his trusty black beanie. "I must apologize MajorCarter, but I cannot fit in the backseat of CassandraFrasier's car."

Sam got out, wondering if Teal'c was even going to be able to sit in the front seat. Cassie did have a pretty small car.

The trip into Colorado Springs did not take as long as Sam thought it would_. Thank God_, she thought. _I don't think I could handle any more of Cassie behind the wheel_.

The three of them walked into the large department store that Cassie had parked outside of. Cassie practically ran to the swimsuit department, while Sam and Teal'c lagged behind.

"Alright, T," Cassie said, taking charge of the situation. "What size are you?"

"I do not know the answer to your question, CassandraFrasier," Teal'c replied matter of factly. "I have never been swimsuit shopping before."

Cassie frowned for a second. "We'll try some double-XLs."

Cassie frantically rummaged through the rack, picking out at least 5 suits for Teal'c and thrusting them into his hands. Sam had to snicker at the assortment Cassie had picked out for him. There was a pair of red ones with a white hibiscus print on them, a bright yellow pair, and several other multicolored ones. Cassie playing dress up with a Jaffa was highly entertaining.

Teal'c managed to look as resigned as he could and trudged off towards the dressing rooms. A thought occurred to Sam. "Uh, T?" He turned around slowly. "Leave your shirt on."

Teal'c understood and simply nodded before turning back towards the dressing room.

Sam turned to look at Cassie beside her, but Cassie was already rustling through the women's racks. She pulled out a black string bikini. "Try this one on, Sam!"

_Like hell I will_, Sam thought. She decided to ignore Cassie and pick through the racks on her own. After awhile, she found a simple black tankini in her size. She decided to hit the dressing room while Cassie was distracted by Teal'c.

Changing quickly, she tried on the black suit. It looked good enough on her. Glad that she had managed to get her shopping taken care of quickly, she started to change when she heard a clink and saw that Cassie had hung about three suits over the top of her door. Sam glared at them. "I already found one Cassie!"

"Let me see."

Sam begrudgingly pulled the top back over her head and opened the door. Cassie stood there with at least ten suits in her own arms. She shook her head at Sam.

"What?"

"Sam, you are a beautiful woman! You look like you're going to a funeral," Cassie exclaimed.

"In a swimsuit?"

Cassie just glared at her.

"I'm not a teenager, Cassie! I'm old!"

Cassie snorted. "You sound like Jack."

Sam blushed furiously at the comparison. Hoping Cassie would not notice, she shut the door and grabbed the suits to change into them.

Sam studied herself in the mirror. She would not deny that she was in excellent shape, but she just felt so naked wearing the suits Cassie picked out for her. She peeked her head out the door to see Cassie in front of the triple mirrors wearing a cute lavender bikini. Cassie noticed her reflection and turned around. "Well?" she asked.

"Cassie, they're cute, but I'm really not comfortable in them," Sam said with a grimace.

Cassie motioned for her to open the door and Sam obliged, looking shy. Sam stood there in the black string bikini from earlier. "Sam! You look great!" Cassie shrieked.

Sam shook her head, but Cassie grabbed her hand and starting dragging her out of the locker room. "T, come see this!"

Ok, now Cassie was taking things too far. Sam started struggling, but without the traction from wearing shoes, she was not making much headway. Just inside the hall to the dressing rooms, she finally slipped and fell right on her rear.

Sam let out an "Ouch!" and then looked up at the large Jaffa looking down at her. She swore he was smirking. She tried to sit up quickly but not before Cassie asked, "Doesn't she look great?"

Oh Lord. She was going to die, right here in the store. To her surprise, Teal'c replied, "From my study of the Tau'ri, I believe that MajorCarter is wearing her swimsuit properly."

Sam could not help but snicker despite her situation. Teal'c had such a way of diffusing a situation with one of his… _Teal'cisms_…

"However,' Teal'c continued. "I do not believe her uniform is befitting a warrior of MajorCarter's caliber."

The smirk dropped off of Sam's face and she glared at Teal'c, and then at Cassie, who was absolutely beside herself in giggles. She stood up and stalked back to the changing room. Cassie glared at Teal'c. "Nice one, T."

"I merely meant that there was no place to effectively conceal or carry a weapon, CassandraFrasier."

Cassie sighed and shook her head. "Men," she muttered as she made her way back to her own changing room.

Grabbing the black tankini, Sam made a beeline for the cashier's desk. Cassie followed soon behind her with the lavender bikini she had just had on. The cashier was ringing up Sam when her cell phone suddenly rang. She handed Cassie some cash and asked her to take care of it while she walked away to answer the phone.

"Daniel?" she asked. "What's up?"

"Hey Sam," Daniel greeted her, somewhat distractedly. "I got really into translating those ruins from P3X-428 and I'm running behind. Could you stop and pick up the drinks for tonight?"

Sam smiled. Daniel could never tear himself away from work. "No problem, Daniel. I was going to anyway."

"Thanks a bunch, Sam. I'm gonna pick up Janet so that we don't have too many cars at Jack's, so tell Cassie not to worry about stopping at home." Hanging up, she turned back towards Cassie and Teal'c, who were carrying their bags.

"Ready to go?" Sam asked. With nods from Cassie and Teal'c, they made their way back to the car.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

They pulled up at Jack's about five minutes later than planned, carrying their shopping bags and the ones with the drinks. Teal'c also carried a box in front of him.

Cassie rang the doorbell, but the group did not have to wait long before Jack answered. "Come on in, kids," he said, gesturing for them to come inside.

Once inside, Teal'c handed him the box and Sam handed him the one with the drinks. Setting them both down, he looked down into the bag. "Champagne, Carter?" he asked.

Sam grinned at him. "You christen boats with it, so I thought it would be appropriate for tonight, sir," she answered.

He looked down again into the bag. "Sparkling grape juice?" he smirked.

"For Cassie and Teal'c, sir. So they don't feel left out." Teal'c was not big on alcohol and Cassie was obviously not old enough.

"Yeah, well maybe we ought to encourage Daniel to stick to it as well," he quipped. "What's in the box?" he finally asked.

"Drinkware, sir," Sam replied. "They'repolyurethanechampagne glasses so that they won't break in the hot tub if they're dropped."

Jack rolled his eyes . "Leave it to you, Carter, to turn a party into something scientific."

She gave him a look and defended herself. "My brother Mark has a hot tub at his place in San Diego, sir." She looked him right in the eyes. "Don't tell me you've been in there with beer bottles."

"Ah, no, Carter," he said, trying to avoid her eyes. He would have to go clean up the few he'd left out there while everyone changed into their suits. "Well, uh, thanks," he said, picking up the bag with the champagne and the box and heading into the kitchen.

Sam picked up her shopping bag that Cassie had left on the floor nearby and headed upstairs into the guest room to change. She dropped the bag on the bed before turning back around and shutting the door. She turned back towards the bag and dumped out it's contents.

"CASSIE!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jack jumped about three feet into the air hearing Sam shriek at the top of her lungs. Old combat senses kicking in, he hauled himself up the stairs and stopped outside his bathroom door where Carter was banging on the door and holding something black in her hands.

"Cassandra Frasier, you get out here right this minute!" Sam screamed at the door and banged on it again.

"Whoa, Carter, what the hell is going on?" Jack asked. "I thought someone was implanting you with a goa'uld or something.

Sam twirled around to face him. "She switched my suit on me!" She didn't even remember to add a "sir" she was so angry. She let go of the suit slightly and it unfurled in all its glory.

For about three seconds, Jack O'Neill was rendered absolutely speechless. Carter was going to wear that? Finally, coming to his senses, he smirked and said, "Nice suit you got there, Carter."

Sam turned even redder than she already was, changing to a mild shade of purple. To her chagrin, Teal'c chose that moment to walk up behind them, wearing the bright yellow shorts from earlier and a black tank top.

"I am sorry if my earlier comments were misunderstood, MajorCarter," he said stoicly. "I merely meant that the suit would not be wearable in a combat situation."

Jack whirled around towards Teal'c. "You got to see her in _that_?" slipped out before he realized what he was saying.

Much to his relief, the doorbell rang before he could think of a way to distract them from what he had said. He gladly took the exit opportunity and ran down the stairs to answer the door. "Danny, Doc!" he exclaimed as he opened the door and ushered them inside. "So glad you could make it!"

The banging from upstairs continued. "You just wait until your mother finds out about this!" Sam yelled.

Janet's eyes fixed on Jack's face. "What did Cassie do now?" Man, Jack did not envy Cassie for what she had just gotten herself into. He looked at her jacket pockets to see if she had any syringes stuffed in there.

"Errr… maybe you should head upstairs and talk to Carter," he said quickly. "Danny, I think T is done in my room, so you can go change."

* * *

Janet came up the stairs to see the bathroom door deserted. Seeing the guest room door shut, she knocked quietly on the door. "Sam, can I come in?"

Sam opened the door, her face still flushed, but more from embarrassment than anger. Janet silently followed her best friend back to the bed where she sat down.

"What did Cassie do?" she asked.

Sam simply picked up the swimsuit and held it out for Janet to see.

Janet's eyes got big. "I sure hope Cassie isn't thinking of wearing that."

"No, Jan, it's for me."

Janet relaxed visibly. "Goodness, then what's the big deal?"

"This isn't my suit! She switched the one I was going to buy!" Sam said angrily.

"Oh."

The two women were quiet for a minute.

"Does it not fit?" Janet asked.

"Jan! That's not the point!" Sam exploded. "I don't want to be running around half naked in front of my team!"

Janet tried really hard not to roll her eyes, and she was only partially successful. "Sam, they've seen you in less on a few occasions. SG-1 has a tendency to get into some pretty ridiculous situations." She frowned. "And injured pretty often."

"Not by choice though," Sam grumbled.

Janet shook her head and opened her mouth to speak when another knock was at the door. Both women turned to look as Cassie sheepishly opened the door, wearing her suit with a towel wrapped around her waist and holding a bag.

"Sam, I'm really sorry," she started. "It's just that you never get to dress up or do anything girly, and you're just so pretty and you don't even know it, so I thought that you'd like a cute swimsuit that you look good in even though you won't admit it to yourself." She took a deep breath, and then realized she didn't have anything else to say.

Sam looked at Cassie with her mouth slightly open. She was touched that Cassie was thinking of her well-being, even if her judgement was a bit misplaced. She found that she was not nearly as angry with Cassie as she had been a few minutes ago.

Cassie thrust the bag out for Sam. "I bought you this too," she said forlornly.

Sam took the bag and peeked into it. She pulled out a long, silvery piece of cloth that was just slightly translucent. She opened it up and held it in front of her, not too sure what it was.

"It's a sarong," Cassie told her. "You wear them to cover up on the bottom, or you can twist it around yourself into a sort of dress if you want."

"Um, thanks, Cass," Sam said uncertainly. She did not think it would cover as much of her as she really wanted.

"Why don't you try it all on, Sam?" Janet said, patting her shoulder and standing up to leave. Then turning to Cassie, she said, "We are going to go back into the bathroom and talk."

"Damn," Cassie muttered. But she really should have known she was not going to get out of this one squeaky clean.

As the door closed, Sam reluctantly looked back at the suit and wondered what she should do.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Jack looked up from arranging the champagne into an ice bucket to see Cassie and Janet walking downstairs together. "What the hell do you think you're wearing?" he asked sternly.

Cassie gave him a dirty look. "I'm not a little kid, Jack," she said glaringly.

He looked back over to Janet. "You mean you're letting her wear that?"

Janet did a once-over of Cassie. "I'd rather have her wear this than the one Sam has," she said pointedly.

Jack settled for shooting Janet a dirty look and turning towards the counter to get the champagne glasses washed before opening the bottle. He busied himself with the task until he heard Cassie shout, "I _told_ you!"

Turning around, Jack O'Neill found himself speechless for the second time in thirty minutes. Luckily, he had until Carter made it down the stairs to recover. For probably the first time in his entire life, he cursed the fact that his 2IC was an incredibly attractive woman. On top of that, since she was a frickin' _genius_, she had to know what this was doing to him and that made her evil.

Yeah, who was he kidding? Even trying to convince himself that Carter was a complete witch was not helping him recover his speech one bit.

Carter was completely stunning in her black bikini with the silvery… um, thing wrapped around her waist. She stood at the middle of the stairs with one hand on the banister, her cheeks flushed completely pink. Although harassing Carter was one of his favorite past times, Jack simply could not get any sort of comment out of his mouth whatsoever. So instead, he turned his attention back to washing the champagne glasses in the hopes that no one would notice that his mouth had been hanging open for much longer than he would like to acknowledge.

He had just gotten the glasses cleaned and grabbed the champagne bottle to open it when someone suddenly touched his shoulder.

"Gaaaahhh!" he shouted as the champagne corked popped and the fizzy drink started spilling out onto his shirt. He whirled around to see Carter standing behind him with her face scrunched up into a giant wince from his yell.

"Uh, sir, I was just going to ask you if you wanted my help with err… that," she said. To avoid looking at her, he looked down at his soaked shirt and held it away from him.

"Oh!" Carter said suddenly and sprung into action, grabbing a cloth that was sitting on the counter and dabbing at his shirt. Now she was standing a lot closer to him than he wanted. In that suit. In that teensy-weensy…

"Carter!" he yelled. She jumped back from him to a much safer distance.

"Sorry, sir, just trying to help," she said meekly.

He was sorry for yelling at her, but he really could not handle her being that close to him wearing that. "Why don't you, uh, take care of the champagne while I go change?"

"Sure, sir," she replied. Always the good soldier.

He walked past her and towards the stairs. He saw Cassie smirking at him as he brushed past her to get upstairs. He was starting to get a pretty good idea why Cassie had switched the suits. Not wanting her to get one up on him, he stopped at the top of the stairs.

"Hey Carter," he said. "Nice suit."

He would have paid money for a photo of the look on his 2IC's face. He did not even have to turn around to know that her complete silence meant that her face was approaching that lovely shade of red he enjoyed so much.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Note:** _Things I've learned about writing fanfiction: it is impossible to write at your nosy boyfriend's house, because he keep popping his head over your shoulder and asking you what you're working on. Then when he does figure out what you're working on, he harasses you mercilessly about it. So, needless to say, I won't be writing on weekends anymore. Grrr…_

**Chapter 7**

Jack came back downstairs a few minutes later in his swim trunks to find that everything had gone back to normal. Carter had poured four glasses of champagne, and was pouring the sparkling grape juice into two more flutes.

"Let's go!" Cassie yelled, opening the sliding glass door towards the deck. The adults grabbed their drinks and filed out behind her. Cassie, in true form, did not even wait for the others before she hopped in and snagged the lounger.

"Come on, Cassie," Jack protested. "Don't hog the best spot for yourself. Old people need it more than you do."

Cassie made no move to get up. Instead she contentedly pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes and sipped her fake champagne. Janet rolled her eyes in response and moved to take a seat in the corner opposite of Cassie.

Soon enough, everyone was happily talking and drinking their champagne as dusk fell.

* * *

"If you wanna be with me, I can make your wish come trueeeee…"

Sam held her hands over her ears as she was assaulted by the drunk archaeologist and hyperactive teenager on either side of her. "For the love of God, stop!" she yelled.

Over in the corner, sandwiched between Jack and Teal'c, Janet Frasier giggled until she let out a snort, champagne glass tipping precariously between her fingers. "I didn't realize you and Cassie listened to the same music, Daniel," she got out between more laughs.

Teal'c was starting to look somewhat grumpy as his head turned slowly between Janet and Daniel. His gaze wandered from Janet to Jack. "I do not believe I enjoy Tau'ri music, O'Neill," he intoned.

Jack snorted before taking a sip of champagne. "Trust me, T, that's not music."

"It's better than the stuff that Sam listens to," Daniel protested.

Sam glared at Daniel threateningly. "At least I don't listen to Christina Aguilera, Daniel."

Suddenly, Daniel reached behind Sam and grabbed the knot that held her suit up and yanked down. Sam shrieked but managed to catch the top from falling down too far by grabbing the cups.

Suddenly, the only noise from the deck was the bubbling of the water through the pump. The look on Sam's face was pure rage. She grabbed the strings from behind her head and stormed out of the tub. She grabbed her towel from the back of a chair and slammed the sliding glass door behind her as she stalked inside.

No one spoke for a minute. Daniel looked like he wanted to disappear through the drain, and everyone just stared at him, astonished. Finally, Jack broke the silence.

"Well, that just topped every stupid thing I've done in the past seven years," O'Neill said before tossing back the last of his champagne.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Sadly enough, I've based this on personal experience, so don't think I'm being too mean to Sam. Only instead of almost flashing my CO wearing a little black bikini, I flashed an entire pool of people I knew, including my ex-boyfriend (the last person I wanted to get a free show). And yes, I was wearing a little black bikini. I've never had a fondness for them since. Now that you've had a laugh at my expense, on with the story!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

He was so dead.

Sam stalked up the stairs and into the guest bedroom, her wet body leaving little driplets on the Colonel's hardwood floors. She slammed the door behind her and dropped her body onto the bed inside, still clutching the top of her swimsuit.

She could just kill him! What on earth had Daniel been thinking?

She blew out an angry breath, her still dry bangs fluffing up in the air. Daniel was drunk; he had been doing anything but thinking. Everyone knew Daniel was an easy drunk, including himself. So why had he allowed himself to get so out of hand?

Then she remembered the way the Colonel's eyebrows had shot up when her straps had started falling. She had caught them in time, right? She looked down at her hands covering her top. It looked like she had. Thank God for that, at least.

She sighed. It figured. Just when she was finally becoming comfortable with the suit, something had to happen. Well, she could definitely count on never wearing it again.

Sam shivered, finally realizing how cold she was. She walked over to her bag to grab her clothes and get dressed to leave. She would deal with everyone once the weekend was over.

Her hand rummaged in the tote and pulled out her shirt and another black wad of clothing. She looked down at the extra piece of cloth that she had pulled up. Sam realized it was one of her black tank tops that she used when she was in the gym.

She smiled. She knew exactly how to get even with Doctor Daniel Jackson.

* * *

He was so dead.

"Teal'c, please switch seats with me!"

Teal'c, however, showed no mercy. "I do not believe that Major Carter is coming back, DanielJackson. Therefore, you should have nothing to fear." The grumpiness he was feeling was present in his voice. DanielJackson had been rather annoying tonight.

Daniel looked over at Cassie, but before he could get anything out, she shook her head. "Hell no," she simply said.

He turned toward the corner. "Ja-ack," he pleaded, knowing it was his last resort. "Please let me sit there."

Jack glared at him. Like hell he was sitting any closer to Carter. That swimsuit had been driving him nuts all night, and then he had almost gotten an eyeful. He was even more embarrassed that he had just sat there with his eyes popping out of his head instead of turning away or shutting his eyes like a good CO would. He knew Carter had noticed too; she had turned completely pink and hustled out of the hot tub as quickly as she could.

Oh, what the hell. T was probably right; Carter was not coming back anytime soon. "Fine, Daniel, but only because I know Carter doesn't want to be anywhere near you right now," he bit out. He stood up and switched with Daniel quickly, submerging himself up to his chin once he was in the seat because of the cold.

He braved the cold a bit to reach over and pour himself some more champagne. The stuff tasted alright, but he would much rather have a Guinness. He looked over at the bottle. Still half full. Daniel and Janet had finished their shared bottle already, and both were pretty wasted. Good thing they were both done.

On the bonus side, the Doc was pretty funny when drunk. Jack grinned and looked over at Janet Frasier, who was listing slightly against Teal'c as she talked to Cassie. Teal'c did that eyebrow thing that he was so good at and looked from the Doc to Jack. He tried to hide the grin but only succeeded in reducing it to a smirk. He was going to give her such a hard time later.

He was jerked away from his reverie by the sound of the sliding glass door opening again. The conversation stopped and the group turned around to see Samantha Carter, surprisingly not fully dressed, but significantly more covered up than before. She had thrown a tight black tank top over her bikini top. She made her way over to the hot tub and climbed back in, taking the seat next to Jack.

"Miss me?" she asked. Receiving a few shaky smiles from her friends, she reached behind her and grabbed her empty champagne glass.

"Fill 'er up, sir," she instructed with a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Jack watched Carter carefully as she filled up her champagne glass for the fourth time that evening. "Daniel, have another," she said with a wide grin plastered across her face. Daniel, not wanting to do anything else to incur her wrath, shakily held out his glass and allowed the Major to fill his glass up as well.

Something was not right here. Jack was trying not to stare at his 2IC, but something was going on with her. Since her return, she had happily chatted away about anything and everything, drank champagne, and had been extra friendly with everyone, especially Daniel. One would almost think nothing had happened earlier to make Carter storm into the house and return covered up.

At least,one would think that unless you recognized the smoldering look she had in her ice blue eyes. Jack had seen it before, and it meant trouble. He had a pretty good feeling it was Daniel who was in trouble, but he was not entirely sure of that.

He looked across the bubbling surface at Teal'c, who risked a quick glance toward Carter and did that thing with his eyebrow. Yup, Teal'c saw it too. Well, at least it was not the alcohol making him imagine things.

He had to admit that Carter had a good idea with the champagne. It was a nice touch, and now that he had drank a whole bottle by himself, switching to beer probably was not a good idea. He had heard somewhere that you should not drink alcohol while in a hot tub because it messed you up a little quicker. Truthfully, he was a little bit drunker than he thought he would be, but he was not in trouble yet. Not like Danny Boy at least.

He shifted his vision towards Daniel, who was now sitting next to Teal'c, directly across from Carter. He had thought Daniel had been done after his half bottle, but Carter had insisted that he have a few more glasses to relax. True, Daniel had been tense as hell since Carter had come back, but the alcohol was not helping at this point. Daniel was sitting up rigidly in his seat, stealing nervous glances at Carter when she turned her attention elsewhere. The whole swimsuit incident had sobered him up, but he was starting to look a little green. The archaeologist needed to loosen up or he was going to make himself sick.

He turned towards Carter again and let a little smile creep across his lips. Yeah, she was going to be toasted tonight. She had polished off three-fourths of a bottle herself and was still going strong. Truthfully, he was a little bit proud of his 2IC. The first time they had gone to a bar, Carter had only been able to manage one more drink than Daniel, and that was not saying much. He remembered coming down to her lab the next morning to see her face planted into a book, snoring daintily. He had closed the door and told Siler that Carter was working on something important and not to disturb her. She worked up a tolerance during the past seven years that would make any Commanding Officer proud.

She caught him staring before he had even realized he was doing it. That smoldering look softened a bit, and she did not look away until she gave a light smile of her own, and turned back to the conversation.

She had been doing a lot more of that lately too. Just before and after the zay'tarc ordeal, they had shared a lot of looks like that, but after Daniel's ascension, she had started to look away anytime she caught him staring, or if he had been the one to catch her. Jack knew he had not treated her the best during the time that Daniel was gone, but he had a job to do, and letting the tough Colonel façade crack would have had serious consequences for the team. He was an asshole because he needed to be one, not necessarily because he wanted to be one. Charlie's death had crippled him, and one the front-line as they were, he could not afford to let any weakness show through. It meant the difference between life and death for SG-1. Now, after Charlie's death and his divorce, they were the only family he had left, and he had no intention of failing them like he had Charlie and Sara.

God, he was becoming sentimental in his old age. He grimaced, and looked down at his half-empty glass. Maybe the champagne was not a good idea. He was going to become a whiny old woman like Daniel if he kept this up. He took one last pull from the glass and determined himself done for the night. No more sappy crappy Jack.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Carter handing Daniel another glass of champagne, who was wobblier than ever. He furrowed his brow at that. Good Lord, Daniel was going to be sick tonight.

Carter pulled the glass from Jack's hand and filled his up as well, before he could protest. He noticed that everyone had a full glass at this point, and that the last bottle was empty. Carter raised her glass. "To good friends and good champagne," she toasted.

The glasses clunked more than tinkled since they were plastic something-or-other instead of glass, and Jack smirked about that the way that the Doc's glass clunked a little harder than the rest. Jack looked over to see Daniel sip his drink, and then the younger man's eyes grew huge.

"Out of the hot tub, Daniel!" he yelled. Jack did not have to tell him twice. Daniel practically fell out of the hot tub and scrambled off of the deck, towards the woods. Everyone tried to ignore the sound of his retching, but by the pained expressions on everyone's face, they were not doing a very good job of it.

Jack looked over to see Carter reaching towards Daniel's champagne glass and grabbing it in her other hand. "Guess he won't be needing this anymore," she said lightly.

Jack knew brow raised a little bit as he looked at his 2IC. The smoldering look was gone and it had been replaced by a bright twinkle. She hid her smile behind the champagne glass as she took a long pull from Daniel's glass.

_Oh, she was good_, he thought to himself. _Evil, but good._

_Note to self: never piss off Carter._


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Soon after Daniel's incident, Doc Frasier announced that it was time to go home. Cassie whined a little bit, but agreed to leave without too much argument, probably remembering that she was still in trouble for the swimsuit switch. She gave hugs to Sam, Jack and Teal'c before she left, and told them to say goodnight to Daniel for her, who had gone upstairs to crash in the guest bedroom. She slipped her arm around her mother, a comical sight since Cassie was already taller than Janet. She helped the doctor towards the car, trying to keep Janet from stumbling too much.

Sam was in a good mood again, and was starting to get pretty drunk as she finally finished off her bottle. Jack tried to hold back on his teasing, remembering his earlier thoughts about not pissing off his 2IC, but could not help himself. _Carter likes it anyway, _he rationalized in his mind.

Teal'c soon tired of the antics of the intoxicated military officers and excused himself to check on DanielJackson and "hit the bag".

"Sack," Sam slurred, and then dissolved into giggles. "Jack rhymes with sack. Hit the Jack," she laughed, and leaned over to lightly punch her CO on the arm. Teal'c chose that moment to leave without so much as his usual head bow.

"No giggling, Major," he reminded her, but failed to hide his grin. It just made her giggle harder, which had been his intention all along. Carter had been pretty wound up over the past year and had been working way too hard. He was glad to see her letting loose, and quite honestly, he wished she would lighten up just a bit around him. He was just glad that she was not calling him sir every five seconds like she normally did. Besides, he could harass her for insubordination and assaulting a superior officer.

"Jack," she interrupted his thoughts. "Why can't I just call you Jack?" she asked, swirling her champagne flute around. "We're friends, right?" she rambled on.

Jack swallowed nervously. This had stopped being funny was heading into some dangerous territory. "Sure, Carter, we're real good friends," he said.

"Sam," she reminded him. "My name is Sa-am." She drew the word out in a little kid sing-song voice.

Alright, she was not going to drop it. He would have to distract her, and maybe remind her why they should not have this conversation.

"So, Carter, nice tank top," he commented. "Reminds me of that one you wore when you were 'touched' or whatever." It was a little harsh but necessary. Maybe if she remembered how embarrassed she had been, she would want to change the conversation too.

"Psssh," she said, spitting a little. "You liked it." She took another swig of her drink and found it empty, and decided to reach for the half-empty bottle left.

Jack leaned over her to intercept her hand. "I think you've had enough, Carter," he told her.

It was a bad move. He grabbed her wrist right before it reached the champagne bottle and she turned her head to give him sad, blue puppy-dog eyes. Daniel pulled that one on her on a regular basis, Jack knew. But Daniel was nowhere near as hot as Carter. Daniel also was not usually three inches from his face when he did it. "No," he said quietly. He tried to sound like he was scolding a small child but instead it came out shaky and scarcely louder than a whisper.

She responded with a pout. "Why not?" she whispered back conspirationally.

"Because you're drunk," he retorted.

"So?"

Somehow Jack was not so sure she was talking about the alcohol anymore. He was not entirely sure he was either. "You'll regret it in the morning," he said.

"No, I won't," she replied confidently.

Sam closed her eyes and suddenly Jack felt like the space between them was closing in much too fast for his comfort. She moved closer and his eyes started to flutter a bit as well.

His eyes were closed and he realized that Sam was not in front of him anymore, but she was resting against his shoulder with her face turned in towards his neck. "Sam?" he asked quietly. There was no response.

He still had her wrist in his hand, but she was half sprawled across him now. He nudged her with the shoulder she had fallen on. "Carter!" he barked. She still did not move.

He leaned his head down to look her in the face again and heard a small grunt of protest slip out of her as his movement jostled her.

Jack lifted his head and leaned back. Major Samantha Carter, genius astrophysicist, was completely wasted and passed out. She had not been trying to kiss him after all. Boy, did he feel stupid for wishing, no, _thinking_ she was trying to put a move on him.

He did not know whether or laugh or swear. He decided that, either way, he was most definitely frustrated and settled for a loud sigh instead. It seemed to fit his predicament.

He looked back down to the sleeping scientist. Now, how the hell was he going to get her out of here?


End file.
